A Lesson “There is a girl who smiles all the time, to show the world that she is fine. A boy who surrounds himself with friends, wishes that his life would end. For those that say they never knew — the saddest leave the least of clues.”
-Lang Leav
Are depressive people naturally artistic or is it a by-product of our chaotic environments?
To live with depression, is to unwillingly live in a colourless state of grey, a mind filled with ghoulish lies, and a world that seems to treat you like an abusive stepparent in an alcoholic rage. For some, this forces them to hide like frightened mice, while their brains engage survival efforts. Eventually, they cling to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as, drugs, alcohol or self-harming, like I wrote about in my last post, “Self-destruction; A Tether to Childhood Trauma.” For others, they find an outlet or escape. Still a coping mechanism, but healthier. These people are able to see the world from a different point of view. A view of truth, pain and vulnerability. This point of view often manifests itself in intricately detailed drawings and paintings, literary displays, highly descriptive verbal expression, and much more.
Poets, painters, playwrights, sculptors, actors, comedians, philosophers. Mark Twain, Vincent van Gogh, Robin Williams, Friedrich Nietzsche. These are all highly creative and intellectual people who suffered from depression throughout their lives. Each of these people were given the gift of art and, in a way, traded their happiness and normalcy for artistic talents and creative abilities. The creation of great artwork has taught people to appreciate life, to laugh untethered, and to see comfort and healing, in pain. Some artists find therapy in their art. They’re able to draw and paint their painful emotions rather than verbalize it. The result is a preview into a world not meant for the faint of heart, as you can see in this portfolio of artists who try to convey what depression looks like. These examples aren’t proof that all artists are depressed, but they made me question if there is a connection between art and depression.
The scientific link between mental illness and artistic ability is still being hypothesized and is slightly narrow. However, there are tested discoveries and correlations available. In a study conducted at Karolinksa Institutet in Sweden, researchers found that healthy, highly artistic people had a lower density of D2 Dopamine receptors in their brains when compared to less creative people. This deficiency of D2 receptors is also present in people with major depressive disorders, as well as, with people suffering from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. In 1987, neuroscientist, Nancy Andreasen, conducted a small, sample-size experiment where she examined mental illness rates in 30 creative writers, 30 control subjects and the first-degree relatives of each. Her findings showed that the writers, and their relatives, had a far higher rate of mental illness, with 80% of the writers testing positive for a mood disorder and 30% for a bipolar disorder. It’s as if the human brain is able to compensate for deficiencies in neural pathways, kind of like blind people having other heightened senses. So, if depression could be a cause of increased creativity, where do you stand? Could art be a healthy outlet, expression or therapy for your depression?
As for myself, art has always been an escape. I don’t know to what severity my depression was as a child, or if it would’ve been considered depression. But I do remember my silence and isolation. I remember feeling like I didn’t fit into social situations, and that I had to force myself to make friends. Excluded, awkward and uncomfortable, I escaped to a world that I created with paper and pencil. My art was a visual form of communication that nobody, not even I, knew the meaning of at the time. When I hit my teenage years, I felt more pressure to create, but not on my own terms. My drawing skills had improved but my reasons for drawing felt forced. Art class was a simple route to take to breeze through a school system and learning environment that I didn’t fit into. People appreciated the things I created, but they were meaningless to me and I gave them all away without a shred of attachment. I quit drawing after my high school years. It felt like my reasons for art had been stolen away by rules and expectations. The ability to communicate my thoughts through my creations had been bricked up and cemented shut. For the next 10+ years, art went missing from my life and the unhealthier coping mechanisms took hold. Now, here I sit, spewing out the raw and vulnerable thoughts that writing allows me to express. As if my skull were a medieval prison, and my pen, the lighted tunnel to which my mental prisoners escape to freedom.
Freedom. Freedom and creation. Freedom to create. Creating freedom. This was my answer when my brother asked me why I write. Not in that exact format, but more broadly and roundabout because I like to mess with him. Writing is exoneration from a life sentence. The freeing of a caged bird. Writing is accurately and successfully explaining a dream to someone, so eloquently, that they feel like it was their own. Whichever avenue you choose to express yourself, understand the importance of making it unique to you. Art isn’t about accolades and achievements, or the praise from instructors and peers. Art is something you feel. It’s your life, your thoughts, and your ideas transposed onto the medium of your choice. Create for yourself, then share with others. You spill your blood, and in doing so, you create more life.
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”
-Robin Williams
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