“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” – Mark Twain
Your grandparents; dead. Your parents; dead. Your siblings; dead. These fragmented sentences alone, have the ability to elicit feelings of discomfort, sensitivity, and even, outrage. Our historic cultural and religious values have taught us to fear death and to pity those who are close to its grip. Given the current global health crisis, I feel like I’m tiptoeing through the remnants of an egg fight. But there’s a silver lining to this (maybe.) So, hear me out.
Why do we avoid the thought of death?
Like all living organisms, humans have a self-preservation instinct. Our built-in pain and fear responses persuade us to err on the side of caution when confronted with dangerous or deleterious situations to increase our chances of survival and odds of passing on our genes. When we pair self-preservation with mortality salience, an individual’s awareness that death is inevitable and unpredictable, the result is something that social psychologists refer to as Terror Management Theory. This theory proposes that the conflict between mortality salience and self-preservation often points us in the direction of perceived safety and psychological comfort of unsubstantiated cultural, religious, and symbolic beliefs. This often manifests itself in the thought of immortality through religious salvation (ie. The construct of Heaven, Nirvana, Paradise, Valhalla, or Moksha.) These beliefs, although comforting when faced with thoughts of the unknown, serve only to perpetuate our fear of death by shielding our eyes and covering our ears from the dire reality that death carries.
Why are we afraid to openly talk about death?
For most people, mention of death stirs up skin-crawling feelings of distress. It’s a taboo subject that makes everyone squirm in their seats. Is it disrespectful or offensive? Or is it because the thought of death can induce painful memories or visions of our own eventual demise? Maybe it’s because we have thoughts of regret and unfinished business? “I should’ve done more. I wish I had accomplished this or that.” Or, feelings of attachment or fear of loss. And of course, there’s always the worry that you’ll spend your eternity wailing in agony as demons whip you with glowing hot chains of fire. In which case, just quit being an asshole while you’re still above ground. Whatever the reason, we’ve been conditioned to ignore life’s only guarantee until we’re confronted head-on with its brutal truth. By then, we’re deep into our coping stages of bargaining and desperation, as we madly broker deals and promises to pay our gatekeepers and boatmen for safe passage into the glorious afterlife. Not the most confident or courageous beginning to your ascension into Heaven, or Hell, or whatever you believe in.
Soul ownership and terms of service:
When conjuring up the thought of death, it’s common to think of that ominous, dark-robed figure with the bony fingers grasping a scythe. The Grim Reaper is the harvester of souls. Upon your death, he comes to collect. Maybe that’s the price we pay for renting an earthly body. But what is a soul, anyway? Well, that depends on which of the countless narratives you want to attach yourself to.
The ancient Greeks believed that the soul was an immaterial, or bodiless, manifestation of a living being. It was an ethereal culmination of consciousness, memory, character and thought. Some Christian denominations believe that the soul is a substance created to rule the body. Hindus believe that YOU ARE a soul and the body is just a physical representative of that soul. The underlying similarity in these beliefs is that the soul is the driver, administrator, or dictator of the body, and in most cases, carries on after death. Like an organic-based version of Grand Theft Auto, used and abused, your body is ditched, while your soul moves on to its next vehicle.
Is there a positive outlook to death?
When it comes to embracing death, or ignoring it altogether, it’s the eastern philosophies that seem to have their shit together. If you feel your death anxiety creeping up from your chest and into your throat, maybe it’s time for a different point of view.
Confucianists don’t give a fuck about death, for the most part. According to Confucianism, when you die, you turn into nothing. Followers of this philosophy are too heavily concentrated on living in the present and experiencing what’s happening right now to bother with the unanswerable questions of an afterlife.
If you’re a Buddhist, you better be a fan of repetition. Buddhists believe in Samsara, a cycle of death and reincarnation, the length of which, being determined by what you did in your present life. So, if you find yourself being a dick, guess what? You get to try, try again. If, however, you play nice, you will reach the great end to suffering known as Nirvana. In the words of the Buddha,
“Long is the cycle of birth and death to the fool who does not know the true path.”
Next up on our death journey through the East, Taoism. Taoists believe that we are all connected to the one, all-encompassing being that is Nature. I am you and you are me. You’re a rock and I’m a river. She’s a bird and he’s a tree. The way you treat this world is the way you treat yourself. Like the Confucianists and Buddhists, Taoists don’t put much thought into death. When you die, you live on in the memories of others, but you existed once, and you’ll exist again. Like the blank pages you find in the front of a book. You’re there but you don’t have to be. And your death only signifies the death of your current form. You are found everywhere Nature is found.
“Since life and death are each other’s companions, why worry about them? All beings are one.” -Chuang Tzu.
Finally, the end:
If your soul is immortal, and you are your soul, then you never die. You forever carry on, having different experiences in one realm of life or another. Whether you’re searching for Heaven or Nirvana, your journey requires the same effort. Live your life as a good person, be aware of the fact that these moments are the only moments that you get in this body. They’re short-term and fleeting. This goes for the people close to you as well. Although their bodies may be failing, their souls survive within them, and within you. Upon death, their souls fracture and grasp on to those who mourn and remember them.
Having trouble dealing with death? Create your own narrative just like these belief systems have done. Our unique, individual brains give us the choices to believe what we want. The people that you have lost, have gone wherever you want them to go. We don’t all have to agree on a mystical place or state where the dead all congregate and start anew. Your fear of death is an illusion, a subliminal creation brought to you by your upbringing, your culture, or your religious beliefs. Most importantly, enjoy this impermanent, fleshy existence on the incomprehensible, organic space ball that we call Earth. Appreciate and cherish the people and experiences that you’ve been fortunate enough to have. We’re all gonna die. March confidently with your head held high and move on to Level 2 with curiosity and hope.
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