Bryce Mann
Jan 28, 20204 min
Updated: Feb 2, 2020
Be selfish now, become selfless later. In my last post, Stand Firm in Adversity, I talked about the importance of community, sharing and taking care of one another. In this post, I’d like to talk about something that’s equally, if not more, important. Taking care of yourself.
Self-mastery can be defined as, “the ability to take control of one's life without being blown off course by feelings, urges, circumstances, etc.; A condition whereby your body is your servant and not your master.” In my view, perfection is not the product of self-mastery. Self-mastery an illusory description of who we falsely believe we should be, in order to live a personalized portrait of a fulfilled life. To me, Self-mastery is an eternal game, purposely unachievable, and only meant to shed truthful light on our weaknesses. It’s a journey, fraught with pain and failure. How you learn to rise above your chaos will dictate your mastery skills, but never the designation of “Master.” Author Henry Miller said,
“Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end.”
Your attempt to embody the accepted definition of self-mastery may start within Miller’s words, but your pilgrimage to self-mastery has no end.
Is a journey with no destination less fulfilling? Well, if you look at your journey as a peripheral or vestigial necessity en route to some sort of glorious ending, then yes, your journey will feel arbitrary. You’ll walk through life with your eyes closed to so many worthwhile moments, hard-earned victories and valuable lessons. You’ll spend your time wishing and hoping that something better will flop onto your doorstep and carry your troubles away.
Too often, we spend our time not planning, but scheming for the future. We look through crystal balls to find happiness in time that doesn’t even exist yet. We try to cheat our present lives in an attempt to stay one step ahead of failure. This is a protection measure to avoid being hurt. We say to ourselves,
“If I meet this goal, things will be better,”
or,
“just one more day til the weekend.”
This leaves us in a constant state of unfulfillment with the present.
We’re saying, “this moment, right now, is shit because I don’t have what I envision ‘future me’ having.”
The problem with this train of thought is that if we can’t be happy with our present, how could we possibly find happiness in the future? We’re neglecting to see the possibilities afforded to us each day. Even if we reach that goal, will it be good enough by the time we reach it? And haven’t we then committed to acknowledging that every day leading up to reaching that goal wasn’t good enough? What if that goal takes you five years to meet? Did you just waste five years of your life with a bunch of sub-par days until you eventually reached that goal?
Obviously, it’s extremely important to have goals, especially for people suffering from depression. And, everybody needs to have something to strive for in order to have a life that feels complete. We all need a reason to get out of bed every morning. But your happiness doesn’t lay in some far off, distant time. If you can evolve and grow right now, your future happiness might look alien to you by the time you reach it. The key is to find your happiness in the small things that present themselves to you every day. Be aware of things you care about, the experiences that make you feel alive, and human. The connections that are worth cultivating. The moments that free you from your mental chains.
Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius wrote,
“Remember how long you’ve been putting this off…that there is a limit to the time assigned you, and if you don’t use it to free yourself, it will be gone and will never return.”
Before you can achieve what you set out to do, your goals or aspirations, you must be prepared to fight for your own life. And if you choose to be a caretaker for those around you, you must take care of yourself first. How can you teach if you haven’t learned the lessons yourself?
Self-care isn’t something that many of us take into consideration. We all have obligations. Jobs, spouses, or children all take up valuable time, but so do frivolous ventures like parties, TV, social media, and so forth. If you take your days and personal health for granted, you’ll soon find that you’ve wasted pertinent time, of which you can’t get back. Recognize your priorities and focus on them. And although you may not reach your “Master” status, your journey will be rewarded, and you’ll become a prime example for those closest to you.
As you half-blindedly stumble your way through life, as most us do but won’t admit, remember that there are people who want you to find your best version of yourself. At the same time, there are people who NEED you to be the best version of yourself. These are the people who look to you for help, direction, and teaching. Learn, listen, and strengthen yourself. Put your best self forward so they can be a healthy reflection of you. Carry the heavy weight on your shoulders as you climb the stairs to self-mastery and appreciate every step, not just the mythical relief you hope to find at the top.
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Recommended books related to this subject:
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Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius